Vehicular Exploration: Why it will never work for me

I like having a car, I really do. I just don't like having to drive it. This may seem like a paradox but it's not. I like the convenience, I like being able to just get in my car and go somewhere, I enjoy long drives (as long as they are not long because I'm in traffic). I don't like however having to drive. And in Los Angeles you have to drive. Though the metro is great for a very specific number of destinations it is in no means able to replace having a car. I know because I've spent probably a total of 6 months in Los Angeles without a car. I was able to manage with a combination of buses, the subway and very nice friends. It was not something I would wish to experience again however and the experience cemented in my mind the truth that LA is meant for cars. It was a city designed with driving in mind and any form of public transport have been an after thought. I include walking in this as well, though there are some very beautiful areas to walk around, overall LA is not a great walking city either; at least not as far as getting anywhere is concerned.


There is something about having to drive everywhere that often times makes me not want to go anywhere. I feel there is so much in LA I have yet to explore and the fact that I need my car to do that is discouraging to me. I'm going to blame Boston for this, as my first long term city experience was in a place where you could walk all of Boston proper in a day and the subway was everywhere. Also my proximity to New York while living in Connecticut further established the idea that cities were not for driving. And though while living in Boston most of my roommates did have cars they were not, strictly speaking, necessary (though I loved them when going to the grocery store). And though I'm sure I'm downplaying the fact that while living in Boston I would have loved to have a car at my disposal to go on a road trip or just drive around, I think at the time I did not appreciate the relationship between walking and truly discovering a place.


LA is massive so I know that it would take years to really explore all it has to offer but I feel like my car is more of a hindrance. This is a personal take on the issue as a lot of my friends view theirs cars as an aid to get out and see more things and they would be a lot less likely to explore if they had to use public transportation to do it. But to me driving around a city does not seem like a natural way to get to know a place. Whenever I think about a new place I want to go all the issue that driving brings up (having to get directions, thinking about where to park, probably paying to park, etc) come to mind and the idea starts to seem a whole lot less appealing. I acknowledged that this is my particular issue with driving coming out but driving also creates other casualties, it makes stumbling on a place much more unlikely. When you are driving you usually (though not always) have a destination in mind, it's very difficult to wander while driving and when driving to a specific destination you miss getting to explore things a long the way.

Warning: this is long and probably boring.

I realized that even after 3 years of living in Los Angeles I still don't consider myself part of the city. It's not that I feel uncomfortable or out of place all the time, I have however yet to feel that I have made this city my own. I always feel slightly outside of the group - that 'group' being the city, I suppose . Being that LA is such a large and diverse city it sounds strange saying that, as there is no one group that defines the city. In a small town it seems it would be easier to have that 'not from around here' feeling. But I feel it in LA nonetheless. I have friends here so it's not a matter of feeling alone - it's something totally different from that. I realize also that it is coming from an inward place not something imposed on me by the people I encounter. Though in this city I am very aware that there are certain places I would feel very unwelcome the general feeling I have is not coming from people it's coming from me.

This realization came to me while at the gym the other day. I analyze people. I watch people while I'm at the gym (often for the purpose of writing blog posts about them). And while I think it is totally normal to analyze people, especially in situations like the gym where people put themselves on display, I realized though that I do it everywhere. Though on a very subtle level; I did not even realize how often I was doing it. And by having that analytical mindset I am in some small way removing myself from the group - I don't think it's possible (or normal) to analyze something that you truly feel apart of. And while the gym might be a bad example since I would desire a natural separate from a 48 year old in the midst of their mid-life crisis, trying to get back their high school football-playing body, I don't know if it is normal everywhere else. Though I can't be sure if I have this feeling because I choose that separation or if it would occur whether I did that or not. I could be blowing the significance of this 'epiphany' way out of proportion. But it did make me think about that tendency that I have, which made me realize that I don't think I ever feel like LA is my city. My life is in no way depressing, which I think this is making it seem to be. I've had a ton of fun these past 3 year but part of me always feels like a long (long) term visitor. Viewing the situations and locations I'm in as an outsider would.

Not sure what to do with this new found discovery. I do know however that I should probably spend more time actually working out when I'm at the gym.

Ok, I'm really gonna try and be a better blogger. I'm aiming for once a week...let's see if I can make this happen.

Also I'm gonna post some pictures on here.

Bangs

Not the best quality pictures but you get the idea.