crazy people on the phone

So I spend a decent amount of my time at work on the phone with people; for the most part these are brief interactions with people who have simple requests. However every once and awhile a crazy person will call complaining about something (I work in an office that does real estate investment as well as manages a lot of different properties) usually it's tenants or potential tenants. Anyway the reason they call is not really important. What is important is that I have come to realize that crazy people all behave the same way on the phone (it's entirely likely they are the same in person as well but I try to avoid speaking with crazy people in person).

You can tell you are talking to a crazy person the phone when:

1.They begin by speaking to you like you already refuse to help them, even if you are being helpful.

2. They either refuse to give you their name (though they assure you they are important) or they are over abundant with their personal info. Full name/address/telephone # and cell #/email/website if applicable. Note you did not ask for all of this.

3. They speak fast (especially considering they are asking you to write down every word that is coming out of their mouths so that when you relay this message you don't mess it up) and paranoid, kind of like they fear someone is going to jump out at them from where ever they are.

4. Since they are inevitably calling because they have been slighted in some way (crazy people are always getting fucked over) they will say numerous times that they are not someone to be treated like this and they have never in their lives been in such a situation. Though considering they are usually dicky on the phone I find it hard to believe that no one has ever been rude to them before.

5. They have a confused sense of social/business hierarchy. "No the principal of the company can't talk with you right now, yes I do understand you are important".

Now I don't think all the people who call in with complaints are crazy, but some definitely are and for the most part they all exhibit the above traits. Also I think they are a special kind of LA crazy. I don't think the false sense of superiority is as big an influence in the crazies of other places.

Who wants my stuff when I die?

I have reason to believe that I'm actually dying. And not just in that 'we are all dying a little every day' way. My lymph nodes have decided to explode, which can only mean my death is imminent.

The Story:

Monday morning while at work I happened to notice a lump in my neck. It was kinda big (about 1/2in), at least big enough to make me worry a little since this is not a normal occurrence for me. Though I did not freak out about it too much. However as the day went on I noticed another one and then another. Now I was pretty worried as I knew they were multiplying. Once I got home my roommate said it was most likely my lymph nodes as the lumps were changing in size and all in areas where there are lymph nodes in the neck. I decided to try and sleep it off (as that is my cure for most things) this proved to have the opposite effect however. Not only were the ones in my neck still there this morning but I found one in my pelvic area (sexy, I know). At this point I began to mentally compose my will.

So currently the count is up to 6 - 4 in my neck, 1 right above my collar bone and the sexy pelvic one. It's very weird also because they are all on my right side. In the beginning when there were only the ones in my neck I thought maybe the wisdom tooth was to blame since the one on the right side has been super painful lately (apparently they can cause swollen lymph nodes) however now that seems less likely. I was able to schedule a doctors appointment for Thursday(hopefully I make it that long) so after that I should know more about what is going on.

The stupid thing about swollen lymph nodes is that they can be caused by about 175 different things. So I could have anything from a mild infection of some kind to AIDS or maybe cat scratch fever or Mono or syphilis or ...

Basically I have begun putting people names on the items of value that I own. I don't want there to be any fighting over my belongings when I die.

bitching about it is working well so far...

As of late I feel pressure to decided upon a price, that when reached I will stop participating in this gas consuming culture. Not pressured to actually stop buying gas per say...more so that I can participate in conversations with outraged drivers. With gas very close to $4/gal. here in LA everyone seems to have this magic number; "that's it when gas gets above {insert magic number here } I'm buying a bike/taking the subway/not going to work anymore (you can fill in the blank with whatever ingenious money saving scheme you want). However I for one am not buying it. The only thing that is gonna happen when (not if) gas goes about $4 is that people are just going to be more pissed. Yes there may be a few people who seek out alternate forms of transportation but they will be the minority. As long as there is gas to buy people will buy it at almost any price.

This is sad I wish I believed people when they say they will radically change their gas consumption habits but I don't; I'm not just passing blame along I also will not stop driving. I will however probably limit how often I drive which I should be doing already.